In every man’s life, faced with stress and tension beyond his tenacity, the suicidal tendency sneaks its head out. In a fortnight period, Kerala witnessed more than a dozen suicide especially among the students and family members of those kith and kin who were affected with Covid positive while abroad.
Whenever students committed suicide, the institutions were blamed and targeted with legal and punitive measures. Suicidal tendency, like Corona virus is indiscriminate, no matter rich or poor, young or old, men or women, popular or unpopular, beautiful or ugly. The sudden loss of life shatters the dreams of family members, shocks the society and even the nation, creating a big chasm beyond retrieval.
The very word ‘personality’ derives from the Greek word, “persona” which means a “mask”. Although I am not a ‘professional psychologist’, with the little ‘experimental psychology’ I was equipped with in the seminary formation, came to my aid, when later as a priest, I took up the post of a teacher in an aided school at a fishing hamlet. This gave me ample opportunity to travel as a companion to the “inner man” that compelled me to “identify those traits” among the students with suicidal tendencies and help them to make necessary adjustments with the given situations.
Although families of victim’s blame ‘others’ responsible for the suicide of their children, they seldom realize their responsibility in developing a ‘suicidal personality’ of their children under their care. I found the following factors or behavioral pattern among those having suicidal tendencies.
Soft hearted Personalities
In a micro family, the children are brought up with so much petting and pampering that the child takes pride in his/ her own ‘weakness and meekness’ as a unique gift bestowed upon by the parents. This is the way the parents express their so called, “love and affection”. The children are happy to hear from the parents that they are “sick” and “need not go to school”. The children may behave in all possible way to get “attention” from the parents and teachers and any denial of it may bring about “tears rolling down”, or with “impulsive burst of temper”.
The parents neither punishes them nor allow to undergo any stress or tensions. Their philosophy is, “my children should not undergo the sufferings we underwent”. Such children are like ‘toys’ for the parents to play with, nevertheless allow them to take any personal decisions or risk. If they are boys, they may have a slight ‘girlish behavior’.
They would love “selective companions” and will be “introvert”. Sensibility being very high, they will be ‘hypersensitive’ in feelings, emotions and reactions. Impulses have dominance over thinking or else, goes parallel. Their change of mood will be unpredictable. Their “interiority” may reflect within as “inferiority complex”, resulting, ‘self-hate’. They would long for getting “attention from others’ as they won’t be able to ‘appreciate self-worth within’. A feeling to ‘commit suicide’, will hic up every now and then, faced with loneliness or stress.
Some may find a ‘pleasure’ in committing suicide, so that all attention and sympathy will fall on him/her at least when they die. Faced with even a simple ‘provocation’, stress or strain, this kind of personality may easily succumb to suicide.
Many artists, poets, musicians, mathematicians, priests and nuns may come under this category. The hyper- sensibility of a ‘soft heart’ is the ‘mystery behind inspiration or reception and vocation. Many positive emotions like ‘love, compassion, imagination etc. invigorate to commit to mission they are in, provided they are surrounded by congenial atmosphere. Hence, we find many writers, artists, film actors, poets, rarely some priests and nuns committing suicide due to depression, a state of mind in which the mind fails to adjust with stress and strain of everyday life. Some of these genius, in order to escape from depression may become victims of ‘substance abuse’/ sensual drugs and turn out be an addict.
An Introverted Personality Masked with Extrovert Traits
Some of the introverted personalities’ mentioned above, having become a ‘victim of isolation’ from the peer group begins to put up a mask of an ‘extrovert’. As they hide consciously their “Real self”, it is rather difficult to help them out. They may appear very “happy and sociable”. They are more interested in involving, organizing and often pretending to be very “busy”. While they neglect their own duty, they may reach out to others. Often, the will be “workaholic”, but only to get “pat and appreciation”. They experience “loneliness” while so gay and boisterous in a group. Since the inner man is formed below the age of 12, no conscious effort can easily ‘quieten’ the real self.
Whenever any stress and tension arises, the snail of suicide begins to ‘peep out’. As these people appear ‘very sociable and benevolent’ to the society, their death may bring about a “shock wave” across the society, even to the nation.
Hard-hearted Personalities
This is another extreme of human traits. This mental trait is brought about by divorce of parents, extreme poverty, alcoholism, social and caste discrimination etc. experienced by the children below the age of twelve. They are hypersensitive of the realities around, but ‘suppress them ‘silently. They are the ‘voiceless’ in a world of noise. Lacking any ‘parental love and protection’, (God experience), their mind is “dominated with Hate “(Satan).
Even if teachers or peer groups encourages and give some ‘positive stroke’, they would out rightly deny them. Often when they hear any good about them, “they may cover their face” or express some forms of “guilt and shame”. Among the groups, they may appear very “calm and quiet personalities” and often, don’t speak out either, but “internally the hatred will be boiling down”. As their mind from childhood (sub-conscious mind) is the embodiment of “hate”, they will fail to “imbibe or absorb” any positive feelings like “love, compassion etc. As they grow up, the “anti-social behavior” begins to develop. Any drug addiction would “aggravate their ego”. Finding themselves an “anti-social and unwanted” in the family and society, the ‘urge to end life” often prop up.
Some live through but “creating a hell within and without” that proves the dictum, “you can give only what you have” and you “get only what you give”. In the words of poet Samuel Coleridge, “O Lady, we receive only what we give/ And in our lives alone the nature live/ Ours is her wedding garment/ ours her shroud”. However, if they are directed in the field of sports and games, thy may fare well and it would help them to ‘increase their will power’ with ‘sportsmanship’ that in turn may aid to “hold on in life” when stress and strain visit them.
The above mentioned ‘personality traits’ are primarily produced by the family atmosphere, the first school of the child during the formational period of ‘sub-conscious mind’. Human person is ultimately a ‘mystery and hence, no psychological compartmentalism will do justice to the topic. The purpose of the paper is not to state that these extreme personalities will be doomed, rather to emphasize the role of the family in producing a “wholesome” personality.
An unhealthy seed may produce better fruit if favorable atmosphere is given and a good seed may not produce expected fruit if the climate is unfavorable. Our aim in life will always be “good seed sown in good soil”. When the parents blame the ‘atmosphere’, the nature of the ‘seed’ should be taken serious note too. If the seed is healthy, viz. sub-conscious mind formed with love and faith, it may thrive through even in an uncongenial atmosphere. Hence, suicide is said to be a ‘mental deviation’, mental disease that needs serious concern from the side of parents, peer groups and mentors.