By Sunil Mahajan –
I don’t know how many of us have experienced or are experiencing this issue of ‘God crisis’ with our children, especially teenagers. This is an important juncture in their lives where we cannot force a belief on them.
It would be easy to have a one-sided conversation and say what we think is correct and leave it at that and move on. But then our kids will follow what we have forced them to believe, what they have not understood and embraced. So what happens if they choose not to accept what you follow or even rebel against you?
That is true of many teens, who grew up praying, going to Church, and studying Bible. When our kids were young, they were convinced there was a God and heaven and that everything in the Bible was true, for example. Now they aren’t so sure.
We need to understand that a crisis of belief is not a calamity in their life but a turning point where they must make a decision. They must decide what they truly believe for themselves and how we can show it to them.
At some point, they doubt their previous understanding of who God is and choose to replace it with a better one, which may not be the one you have taught them. It might be based on ideas they have learnt in their studies or by other people around them. I am sure many friends will agree or disagree with some of the things that I will share here. But the truth is that we need to understand that the teen brain grows rapidly, is inquisitive and has this ability to think more abstractly and critically.
In early adolescence, teens begin to establish their own ideals and recognize hypocrisy in people and institutions around them. They deal with heartbreak and social cliques, see suffering in the world and wonder if there is a God who cares. They question the basis of the social structure, relationships and belief systems. They do not want to follow blindly and if forced to do so, will rebel. They are trying to figure out their place and how and if something like religion exists and fits into their scheme of things.
As parents, we need to first recognise their confused mind and allow for healthy and open conversations to flow in the family. They should be assured that they are heard and are given the platform to speak their minds. Creating this bond is most essential for them to listen to your viewpoints.
We have a responsibility to teach our children to renew their minds daily. To help them recognize that the strength that they need comes from within themselves. When you do that, you are showing them that life is not about the external but about the internal. You are showing them the relationship they have with Christ, that can do all things and whose spirit lives within them.
Are we, as parents, renewed in our beliefs and do we impart the right information to their questions is something we need to ask ourselves and work on as well.
Sometimes you can do everything right as a parent. You can pray. You can keep watch. You can keep a safe distance. You can trust God. But still identity crisis comes into the life of your teenager. What do you do when your teenager comes to you and says: ‘I feel confused about God? I am not sure who I am or what I need to believe in?’ As a parent take time to really hear what they are saying. Reaffirm your love for them. Help them see what God has to say that comes against their identity crisis. Keep them always in prayer. Trust God.
As a parent of two teenage boys I have not being spared of this journey and it wasn’t an easy or a happy one, but a journey of patience and understanding and to hang in there with them.
At first, it wasn’t easy to accept that my boys would come to that cross road of their lives where they would have a God crisis. So I had to prepare myself first before I could take that plunge to know that this journey is not about my faith but it was theirs and I was just going to be that parent who needs to have an open mind and listen first to understand that to be understood. It’s a long journey from where we were to where we have reached.
This has not been easy for us as a family and it wouldn’t be possible for us to reach here without the support of friends and people who are genuinely interested in the well-being of our kids. We thank God for this bulwark of people who have being praying with us as we went through our time of crisis. This journey is not the end because we have many more miles to travel and we mustn’t give up but stand steadfast to Him who is faithful and who will not leave nor forsake us.
Sunil Mahajan is the founder and director of Pathfinder, a catholic ministry that is involved in working with various institutions in South India. Pathfinder acts as a catalyst to bring about transformation in families, teachers and students. He can be reached at: [email protected]