By Jennifer Pinto –
As parents we always mean well when we do things for our kids. Whether it is enrolling them for extracurricular or co-curricular classes, we just want our kids to have the best and be the best. But what happens when the pressure becomes too much for them? Can we recognize and alleviate that pressure or in some ways, are we contributing to it?
It is exam time and I can already feel the stress in the air – for the kids and for the parents. There are Whatsapp messages flying around about the things we can do for our kids, tips from here, there and everywhere! We go through this year after year but somehow nothing changes. I think we need to introspect deeply into our own thought processes as parents before we offload them onto our children.
Let’s ask ourselves a few important questions:
- What was it like when we were that age and striving for our “marks”? Didn’t we do the same thing? And where has it led us? Do we still focus on our “marks” alone? So let us look at the LONG TERM prospects of our children. Let us find out what they are good at and guide them in that direction so as not to waste their time and talent in the unsuited areas. If the child is truly interested in a professional course that involves high scores and pressure, then it may be appropriate to study like that for a while.
- What is the purpose of pushing our kids so hard to get the “marks”? Or are we helping them see the bigger picture? Our system doesn’t give us a chance to fail. But isn’t failure a stepping stone to success? See, at this point it gets confusing. How are children supposed to “learn” if they don’t make mistakes and see the lesson in that? As a parent, allow them the space to make mistakes. Stand by to comfort and help them up and show them where the mistake happened and why it isn’t worth making it again. Let us use the creative power of our words to nurture them – James 3:9
- Are we using our kids to compete with the world, to show others that our kids can beat everyone else? Where is that coming from? Perhaps we have unfulfilled desires that we are hoping to fulfill through our children. Let’s just accept that our time has gone by and our kids are individuals who have their own thought processes, personalities, interests and goals. It is important to make sure that we don’t superimpose our unfulfilled ambitions on them. In 1 Cor 12:1-6, the Bible tells us that we are all endowed with unique talents and gifts and we need to respect that, especially in our own families.
- Lastly, what are we actually doing to nurture our children’s lives? Are we talking to them heart to heart about their future? Is that discussion one-sided or two-way? Are we allowing them to make a few simple choices for themselves? Are we teaching them life skills or focusing on academic shortcuts? This process is part of empowering them to grow up.
- Reflect back on your own academic life and career. What set of skills do you use on a daily basis? Are they the ones you scored “marks” in? What attitudes, perspectives and habits are needed to supplement academic knowledge? Are we growing those attitudes in our kids?
Now what can we do for our kids during exam time to help them? I say, plenty. Here are a few things that will boost them up to study and get the results they need.
- Pray with them and for them. They need it. They need to know that you stand with them in prayer as a strong support.
- Help them envision their long term goals and career by means of a career or personality assessment.
- Be kind to them. Let them rest, let them play and let them have a few minutes of relaxation such as good TV programs or music. It is a welcome break and distraction while coping with exam stress.
- Guide them when they ask for it. Don’t push aside their ideas and thought processes just because it is exam time. Find kinder ways to correct them.
- Spend a little time alongside them as they study. This helps them know you are concerned.
- Feed them well. Give them a few treats when they do well – it boosts their morale.
- Stop focusing on their marks and accolades alone for a change. Focus on them, their needs and their ambitions.
Let this year be different for our kids and for us! Let exams not be an additional cause of stress, anxiety, anger, disappointment. Let us stay calm and realise that exams are just a bunch of tests and scores that help our kids know where they stand. They aren’t the absolute final judgment scrolls that we need to strive after with every ounce of our being. Best of luck to the kids and wishing all parents a peaceful exam time!
Jennifer Pinto is a freelance corporate trainer, trained counsellor & Zumba® Fitness Instructor. She can be contacted at [email protected]