By Dr Jeanette Pinto
Very recently I accidently got my hands on a book titled: “The Child Who Never Grew” by Pearl S Buck. It tells the true story of the struggle of the author after learning that her daughter Carol, born in 1920, was mentally handicapped. I found it to be a moving and very personal piece of American literature; it was a work of historical and sociological importance. Buck the author, writes very movingly of her heart ache at the discovery of her child’s plight. Her heart and perspective is honest and refreshing. I truly was humbled by reading this and I’m so glad I chose to read the book, especially after last week, when I was shocked to hear someone say that the mentally retarded are lesser human beings.
Buck documents her awareness of the stigma against people like her daughter Carol, and also tells of her search for an institution where Carol’s special needs might be met. What struck me most was that Buck passionately defends the humanity and worth of the mentally retarded and tells what her experiences with Carol taught her: “I learned respect and reverence for every human mind. It was my child who taught me to understand so clearly that all people are equal in their humanity and that all have the same human rights.”
The period when Buck wrote the book was the early twentieth century. Mental retardation was then referred to as madness or some abnormal idiocy that the person suffered. Even today, despite much awareness and education on the subject, people yet tend to look down upon such persons. Mental retardation is not a disease, neither is it a type of mental illness, like depression, it is a lifelong condition and unfortunately has no cure. However children with this condition often learn to do several things and some even manage to take up simple jobs to sustain themselves. The unfortunate part is that retarded persons tend to violate cherished cultural values of society such as intelligence, emotional independence, economic self-sufficiency and physical attractiveness. As a result they have traditionally been rejected, isolated, stigmatized, and deprived of society’s resources and pleasures. This is not a very Pro-life approach.
A retarded child or person is a source of shame, and family members suffer a sense of social ostracism. Everyday living can be quite traumatic for the parents and family members. The causes however are still so poorly understood, but most children with mental retardation can learn to do many things. It just takes them more time and effort than other children. Steering through life with any disability is a challenge, occasionally frustration leads to bad behaviour or tears of humiliation. All of us want to be independent. Even the smallest child will exclaim, “Me do it.”, so also a child with disability. Hence in present times we refer to such special children as “challenged.”
Their intellectual functioning may be much below average, but they have certain skills which are important to adaptive behaviour. These are daily living skills, such as getting dressed, going to the bathroom, grooming, and feeding oneself. Communication skills, such as understanding what is said and being able to answer in an intelligible way, as well as social skills with peers, family members, adults and others are at a low level.
God’s most precious gift to mankind is the gift of life. Children are God’s blessings to humanity. Mentally challenged children and persons are pure gifts of love to their family. Despite their disabilities they are human beings first, hence it is important to respect, know and love them. Many people show their discomfort by ignoring them…Why? These children have the sanctity of human life, but are treated as lesser human beings due to their condition. How will we bring the wonder and joy of Christmas to these children if we treat them as if they were invisible, or bypass them without even casting a glance or smile in their direction?
What does Christmas mean to these children whose brains are simply wired differently? In Special schools and Institutions some fun programmes may be held during Christmas. How can we express our Christian response to bring the love of Jesus to the mentally challenged? How sensitive are we in our parishes, SSC’s and neighbourhoods? Do we organise specially designed programmes for such children and persons? It would be wonderful if the parish community organised a Christmas tree programme ONLY for the mentally challenged? We must be inclusive and pro-life too. Imagine how exciting it would be for them? Has anyone even thought of giving the special children an opportunity to design the crib or decorate the tree, given their strengths, requirements and with minimal guidance? The fairy lights will excite and bring sparkle to their eyes and light up their faces. The festive foods, treats and sweets would delight them. The Christmas gifts would gladden their hearts.
Many of them love listening to music, watching games and participating in some physical activities. Singing Christmas carols even if it be out of tune or with slurred lyrics, dancing to music even if it means flaying their arms and shaking to music, although seated in their wheel chairs, or spending an evening outdoors would excite them. Children who enjoy some type of art could design greeting cards; some could play interactive games, bingo and enjoy sporty events. The birth of baby Jesus our Saviour should be an event for them to recall and ponder over. It is important that we bring happiness into their lives and make their existence joyful. Let’s be life-giving.
Family members of special children suffer their own private pain in deciding how to best care and give joy to their disabled children. It is of vital importance not to discriminate them. Sensitivity is necessary. Every one of us should make a special effort this Christmas to make the birth of Jesus a joyful one for our challenged children.
Dr Jeanette Pinto, an educator for the past 5 decades, headed the Department of History was Vice Principal of St. Xavier’s College Mumbai, and retired as Principal of Sophia College, Mumbai. She is a counsellor and conductor of Personal Enrichment Programmes for students and teachers.
She set up the Human Life Committee in the Archdiocese of Bombay. As a sex educator she has given talks on Human Sexuality in India and abroad. In 2014 she received the Rachana Outstanding Woman of the Year for her Pro-life work presented by the Diocese of Mangalore. She has attended many National and International Pro-life conferences and given talks at other fora on various women’s issues.
She is author of a couple of books, her most recent ones are titled: I’m Pro-Life Are you? & Sex Talk: Parent to Child. She has also written a number of articles on a variety of themes and subjects, which have been published in research journals, The Examiner and other Catholic publications.