The Secret of a successful marriage is not FINDING the right person, but BECOMING the right person! “Therefore, what God has joined together, no human being must separate” (Mk.10:9).
The magnificent vista of this write-up, indeed, is the coronation of a long-cherished dream for our marriage, always a work in progress, still waiting to be fulfilled!
The Sacrament of Matrimony empowers us with Trinitarian Love and Divine Power, to slay the devil and his evil forces, instantly! His dreaded army comes to us totally disguised, with the tools of materialism and modern technology, destructive, present-day relativism, the craving for worldly things and human greed – like he did to Adam and Eve, camouflaged as a vicious, sleazy serpent.
The state of perpetual joy and serenity, peace and tranquility, and the feeling of being absolutely connected to the Supreme source of love, light, ‘fullness of life’ (John 10:10),’and ‘high with divine elixir,’ can be our gifts! This is why those with feet of clay, like us, have to work hard to keep marriage vibrantly alive, continually, and not find an ‘alibi’ or pretext in “incompatibility!”
If we aim for a Christ-permeated style of living, we must sit in the lap of our Three-in-One God and Mother Mary, the Mediatrix of all grace. Then, every question will be answered, every doubt cleared, every truth revealed – one can continue to enjoy the ‘welcome and hospitality’ of God’s reign, and Matrimony will soon be filled to overflowing, like an eye-catching, perennial fountain, of immortality and the supernatural.
Jesus, the third partner in every marriage, can make our nuptial love, a “work of art,” and give it an ‘aesthetic sheen and sensibility’ for God’s sake and our own, and that of our conjugal and sacramental lover.
This is what Bishop Robert Barron has to say: The key ingredient of a magical and electrifying Wedding Reception is “wine”. It brings exhilaration and merriment to the guests. It raises their spirits and is symbolic of divine life. Mary who sums up the patriarchs and prophets of old, tells the waiters: “Do whatever he tells you!” Fill the six empty jars with water: She then urges us to do the same. In our marriage, too, she asks that the jars be filled with water. We need to contribute by giving Jesus whatever we have. Our virtues and shortcomings, or our marriage on the wane! He will transform our shortcomings and human frailties into a relationship of the highest supernatural and celestial order.
Conjugal twosomes should put themselves into the periscope or narrative, and stay in this kind of conducive atmosphere, where Jesus is pleading to the Father that married couples may be “one,” so that, Jesus is glorified, and their marriages are animated and elevated.
Let’s be blunt and succinct: “Without Jesus’s presence and animation, marriage is doomed to die, like a wild flower which blooms, blushes and shrivels up, unseen, unsung!”
Avoid criticism, slander and condemnation like the plague. The nuptial pair must always shower praise, thanksgiving, appreciation and affirmation for God and one another. We need to be positive all the time, so that, our togetherness becomes lyrical, lilting, rhapsodic and passionate.
Married love is a gift from on high. The more we are generous and open our hearts to our spouse, in pure, fireside-warmth, the more we will receive in return. Otherwise, we live in the “cora macra.” God teaches us this lesson, through the parable of the Prodigal Son, in Luke’s Gospel 15:11-32.
Our love for our spouse, too, must be like that of the grand-old father in the narrative. He was waiting for his lost son for many years, and when he saw him in the distance, he ‘sprinted’ down a rough path to welcome and embrace him. He sped with reckless abandon. The father, without wasting time, put a ring on his once delinquent and self-seeking son’s finger. He had died by being in the “cora macra,” (a Greek word to indicate that one is abandoned, forsaken or separated from God – the great emptiness – the source of life and abundance – Bishop Robert Barron), but is back home alive. The father in this periscope, stands for God, who is Love and Mercy itself! The ring symbolizes a covenant of love. Married lovers, who are going through a dry patch, must be ready and willing to change from their life of aloofness, greed, lust, licentiousness and unforgiveness, to one of going back home, crestfallen, meek and contrite of heart, a person who had met his waterloo in the face of sin, and decided to return to his father, in reconciliation and seeking forgiveness, mortification and submission. Married couples who have lived in the ‘black hole of separation’, should be like the younger son in this narrative. When brought to their knees, they need to repent and come back to their spouse, to whom they had sworn a lifetime of fidelity, even if it means staggering awkwardly, lumbering back to the one they had promised to “give and be everything!” It is only when one hobbles back ‘home,’ will one find “peace that passes understanding” (Phil. 4:6-7) – “shalom” or fullness, ‘nothing-broken, nothing-missing’ – Jesus’ crucified love!
Husbands and wives invariably and deliberately attempt to find a scapegoat in the marital other, when things don’t go their way. They call the person they once adored and loved so dearly, an adulteress (used symbolically here), and, in a fit of anger and fury, decide to get a like-minded group of friends to stone her/him as in the Gospel of John 7:53-8:11, and feel upbeat about crushing the spouse under a pile of stones. They are bent on trampling over and grinding to dust, the one they pledged “to offer selfless, untainted and undiluted love, irrevocably and forever!
What does Jesus do? He silently wrote in the dust with his finger, in the face of the sanctimonious and moralizing, mob. Some biblical scholars say he scribbled the sins of each one who was part of the vengeful and self-righteous group – all this in silence…without even looking at them. The result: They left dejectedly and ashamedly, having met their worst ebb, staring at nothingness. Silence and sheer calmness are divine ways to avoid belittling a person. The post-modern world would certainly call the “hell” into which a nuptial partner has fallen: Incompatibility!
If one reads between the lines, the silence between words, the sacred empty spaces, one comes to the realization that, these are personal statements, with autobiographical tinges and traces.
The vital point we wish to make, in line with the theme of this Article is: Sin in the German language is “zunda,” which quite ironically means “Temple,” where God’s glory meets the misery of sin. What an astounding, mystical turn-around! A priceless lesson for ‘couples in combat!” Please mull this fact over, before you give up on your partner. “Be the change you wish to see in him or her,” is oft-quoted and true, despite its beguiling simplicity.
The fascinating ingredient about Christ-centered marriage is that, we are able to love our spouse with divine power, even on days they are unlovable and, we, unloving, because of what St. Paul says in Philippians 4:13: “I can do all things in Christ who strengthens me.”
Everyone has bad days. Don’t give up. But, never quit. Pause. Rest. Reset. Always pick yourself up and keep going, on and on. You will soon see bright, promising light at the other end of the charcoal-black tunnel.
And, finally, the punch line, the clincher! We will imbibe without much ado, the in-depth and intense spirituality this near impossible dream for couple-intimacy and oneness offers us, if we celebrate it with intent, and Jesus’ heart lodged in our own. Isn’t this awe-inspiring, world-changing? Terrific? A witness of the crucified-Jesus’ love, extraordinaire?
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Lorraine & Leon have been steeped in the warm and all-embracing spirit of Worldwide Marriage Encounter, India, for close to forty-six years of their wedded life.